


Smile

by acochran5



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Awkward Kageyama Tobio, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Kageyama Tobio-centric, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Protective Sugawara Koushi, Protective Team, Team Bonding, Team Feels, Team Mom Sugawara Koushi, Team as Family, Tsukishima Kei Being an Asshole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:56:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25816924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acochran5/pseuds/acochran5
Summary: Kageyama's smile is ugly, and weird. Everyone thinks so, everyone tells him. So Kageyama doesn't smile, or laugh for that matter. He goes out of his way never to express joy, but practices in the mirror in hopes to make his smile prettier looking. Nothing seems to work however. When he gets to high school, his teammates take notice of this, and Hinata's got a plan.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio, Kageyama Tobio & Karasuno Volleyball Club, Kageyama Tobio & Nishinoya Yuu, Kageyama Tobio & Sugawara Koushi, Kageyama Tobio & Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Kageyama Tobio & Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 16
Kudos: 375





	Smile

_Smile._

_You'll look prettier if you smile._

_Smile for the camera._

_Turn that frown upside down._

_Smile._

That's what Kageyama had been told his entire life. But, when he did smile, people always told him to stop. Because he looked creepy, or scary, or weird. So Kageyama tried not to smile as much he could in public. And when he was home, he practiced in the mirror. Each one was always worse than the last.

The worst part was that they were right, he did look scary and weird. People would hate him if he smiled at them, probably run away and hide he looked so creepy.

After joining the volleyball team in middle school, Kageyama didn't really have any friends to practice smiling for, so he gave up on that for a while. At that point in his life, no one really cared if he was smiling or not, or if he was even happy for that matter.

Things changed, however, once he entered high school. He had people he could call friends. He had a reason to smile again. But he couldn't in front of them, because he was afraid it would scare them off. His smile was too ugly, with too much teeth, and too forced as people had told him.

Still he started in the mirror again, every day, for thirty minutes. After practice, he wouldn't smile again for the rest of the day. He never deemed practice good enough to try it in real life, smiling at someone else.

Unfortunately, his teammates noticed his lack of smiles, or lack of any expression really besides frustration and disapproval. He didn't really want to explain himself, didn't really want to tell his teammates why he couldn't smile. Because if he told them, they would ask for him to show them, insisting it wasn't bad. Only when Kageyama showed them, it would be bad. He knew this from experience.

"Hey, Kageyama-kun, how come you never smile?" Hinata asked one day, as they were picking up the gym.

Kageyama didn't answer him, not wanting to say why, because of the questions he would be inevitably asked. Hinata especially wouldn't be able to hold them back and would just carelessly ask a bunch of them.

Kageyama didn't even like to bring up his insecurity. Not in any way, shape or form. He hated talking about his smile, and he hated talking about why he didn't smile, and he just hated talking about smiles all together.

But they were a big part of everyone's everyday life apparently, and it was nearly impossible for Kageyama to hide his lack of enthusiasm, when it came, even to things he loved. He always had to watch himself, make sure no one saw.

He couldn't smile when he made a perfect set, or when Hinata landed a perfect spike. He couldn't smile when they won one of their games, or when they went out for meat buns, or when he was drinking milk.

He could only smile when he was by himself, standing in front of a mirror, even if it only reminded him that his smile was as ugly as they came, and no one would ever want to see it.

"Yeah, how come you never smile?" Noya agreed, turning towards him.

Of course. Stupid Hinata had said it too loud, everyone was turning heads to look at them. "I just don't feel like it." Kageyama grumbled.

"I thought everyone felt like smiling." Hinata mumbled thoughtfully.

"You thought wrong." Kageyama said.

"No need to be grumpy Bakageyama." Hinata crossed his arms and pouted at him.

"Whatever don't be a dumbass," Kageyama had no reason to smile anyway.

"Come on Kageyama-kun, turn that frown upside down," Hinata let out a wide, toothy grin. And it was so nice and happy looking. Smiling suited Hinata as much as not smiling suited him.

"You won't like it…" He always looked scary smiling, no matter how hard he tried.

"I'm sure it's not that bad." Suga said with a soft smile of his own, one that fit him completely.

"It is." Kageyama didn't want them to see.

"Come on Yamayama, one big smile, please!" Hinata gave the puppy eyes that Kageyama could hardly refuse. He grimaced and sighed, not wanting to, but not really knowing how to decline either.

"Um, I don't know what to smile about right now though." Kageyama admitted, thinking that this admission would surely make them drop it for now.

"Oh yeah?" Hinata said challengingly. Kageyama knew that tone couldn't mean anything good. So, he just stood there, waiting.

Hinata was on him before he could blink, shoving him to the ground and then hovering over him strangely. He didn't see why he should smile from the pain he felt in his back right now, but nothing else was happening.

Then, Hinata started doing something with his fingers, and for some reason, it made Kageyama want to laugh and scream at the same time, but he was trying to remain stoic, don't smile, or laugh. "I bet you're ticklish~." Hinata taunted lightly while Kageyama squirmed.

So that was what this was.

Kageyama kept struggling but he could barely move he was so focused on not laughing. It was impossible to get Hinata off.

Then he could feel it, something bubbling up in his throat. Something he hadn't dared even thought of for a long time.

Kageyama let out another shriek and then a snort, and then horrible, horrible sounds started wracking his body.

Laughs.

And with laughs came smiles, of course.

When Hinata stopped it took a while for Kageyama to calm down. His laughs were as ugly as his smiles, but the more he tried to stifle them, the more snorting laughter came from him.

And when the high wore off, and he was his normal self who always tried not to laugh or smile in any way, he could've almost started crying.

None of them would want him after this, they probably were all scared now, probably thought he was ugly. "Yamayama, I can't believe you laugh like that." Hinata snickered. "I was expecting like… little giggles or something."

Kageyama flushed red, ashamed of his lapse in staidness, and of all the reactions, he never thought they would laugh at him. Not that it was a pleasant change exactly. "Don't laugh at me." Kageyama mumbled.

"Your laugh is funny though." Hinata said.

"No it isn't." Kageyama grouched, crossing his arms, glaring at the ground.

"The smile on your face was kinda weird-looking though," Hinata let out another chuckle.

"Ugh, well now you know why I never smile, okay, happy?" Kageyama stood up abruptly and started marching out of the gym.

"Yamayama-kun, what are you…" Hinata trailed off, frowning as he watched him go.

* * *

Once Kageyama was outside he started walking faster and faster until he was running, tears streaming down his face as he went.

He ran all the way home, and when he got there, slammed the door shut as hard as he could. Kageyama slid down the door to curl up in a fetal position. This was pathetic, he shouldn't be feeling this way, it was stupid. But at the same time he couldn't help it. His worst fears had just been confirmed. His teammates thought his smile was weird and his laugh was funny, and this never should've happened.

Kageyama felt his heart clench in his chest and gritted his teeth. He shouldn't be reacting like this. _Just let it go, Kageyama_ , he told himself and sighed, tears still making there way down his pale cheeks, but much slower. And his sobs were now sniffles. He was so caught up that he didn't even notice the door opening until it was too late.

He barely had enough time to scramble back and cursed himself. How could he forget to lock the door? Ugh, he was so stupid.

"Yamayama?" Hinata glanced around before his eyes settled on Kageyama.

He was on the floor, his eyes full of tears, and his hair was an absolute mess. He looked kind of like a kicked puppy. "Kageyama-kun, what's wrong?" Hinata came in, and behind him, the rest of the team followed.

He bit the inside of his cheek, hating himself for this. How could he have been so stupid? "Nothing." Kageyama choked out.

Sugawara sat beside him, pulling the younger boy into a hug. "Kageyama-chan, that is not true." Suga said, stroking his hair calmingly, and Kageyama hated to admit it, but it did make him feel a little better.

"I just… it's dumb." Kageyama said, knowing how stupid his insecurity would sound. They would probably make fun of him or tell him it was silly. They would probably say he should just forget about it and move on. Like his parents always had.

"Hey, it's not dumb. If it's got you upset it's obviously not dumb." Hinata said, coming over to sit on the other side of him.

"No, it's just dumb. I just… people just."

"Kageyama-chan, take a breath, it's going to be alright."

"My smile is ugly!" Kageyama blurted, much louder than he meant to. "And it's scary, and people tell me not to do it, and that they hate it and that it's horrible. And my laugh is weird and it's ugly too. And I snort too much, and my smile is too wide, and I show too much teeth and—"

"You're an idiot." Hinata interrupted, frowning. Kageyama went silent and more tears started slipping down his face. Here it came, Hinata was about to tell him how dumb his insecurity was and he should just forget about it.

"You're laugh is funny and contagious and it makes me wanna laugh and I think all the snorting is cute."

"That is definitely your personal opinion." Tsukishima said.

Everyone fell silent, because they weren't quite sure what to say. "I'm not going to sugar coat anything. Your laugh is ugly, and your smile is weird." Tsukishima added.

"… But?" Sugawara asked, hoping Tsukishima had something more comforting after that.

"But nothing. That's how it is."

"BUT, it's yours isn't it?" Noya asked. "I mean, you don't have to be proud of it, but there's no reason to go so far to hide it either? I mean it's your laugh right? Your smile. You shouldn't let other people dictate whether you're allowed to do that stuff right?"

"That's easy for you to say…" Kageyama knew that wasn't fair, but it seemed that way to him. Noya was always confident and did anything he wanted without caring what anyone else thought. Kageyama was different though, he couldn't not think about what other people thought of him.

"Maybe you should just take small steps in that direction. For example, you can smile around us whenever you want and we won't ever say you shouldn't, or that we hate you because you're smiling. Honestly Kageyama-chan, it's not the actual smile that matters, it's the reason why."

"But it's weird. I don't know if I can."

"Kageyama-chan, I didn't think either your smile or your laugh was weird. I thought they were both adorable. I've never seen you express joy at all, so I was a little worried about it, and hearing why maybe I was right to be. But you don't have to feel judged around us. We'll accept you no matter what." Suga said to the youngest member of their team.

"I… you will?"

"Of course, Kageyama-chan. Smile when you're happy, when you're sad, when you're angry. Smile whenever you want, however you want, and laugh too! Whenever you want to, just do it. It doesn't have to look perfect, it doesn't have to be to anyone's standards. It's okay, in the end it doesn't matter. Your smile isn't weird, or ugly, or anything like that, because it's your smile. And you could never look any of those things to me."

Kageyama sniffed and pressed himself into Sugawara a bit more. "I'm sorry you had to feel like this for so long," he continued. "But I think you're adorable, no matter if you smile or not."

"Yeah, Yamayama, you're very adorable looking, even if your personality doesn't really match." Hinata chirped.

Kageyama found the strength to glare at him and rolled his eyes then, snuggling into Sugawara's side more. "Yeah bro, smile whenever the fuck you feel like and I'll destroy anyone who gives you shit about it." Tanaka brandished his muscle.

"YEAH!" Noya shrieked before Daichi told them all to hush.

Kageyama was silent for a long while too, just listening to Suga breathe and feel his teammates presences all around him.

_Smile whenever you feel like it._

_Not,_

_You'll look prettier if you smile._

_Smile for the camera._

_Turn that frown upside down._

_But… smile whenever you feel like it._

Kageyama, in a rare instant of bravery, quirked his lips.

"Aw, see, there's that cute little smile." Suga said, and Hinata was grinning.

Kageyama buried his face in Sugawara's shoulder and sighed.

_Smile._

**Author's Note:**

> I have insecurities too, like this, and I wanted to do something about poor Kageyama and his smile XD   
> Anyway, yeah, hope you guys liked this and it was realistic enough! Thanks for reading, comments and kudos are love!


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